Just a few minutes back I was debating what to write about this week — some thing interesting, perhaps, or it was about time to give some credit to snails, I thought. Then, by some random stroke of luck, fate or writer’s lightning (a phrase I produced just now), I obtained a phone get in touch with from a credit card company…

“We are all ready to complete your software,” the lady told me. “We just require to ask you a few a lot much more questions.”

In idea this makes a great deal of sensation. I suggest, hey — when someone applies for a credit card, it is only logical that questions would adhere to. It is like that snail I was heading to compliment previously, whereas I must give credit when — and only when — credit is simply because of. But this idea should not use to me, as I have not utilized for a credit card within the prior few of years, not even to get a totally free mug or basketball with my preferred baseball team imprinted on it…

“I did not use for a credit card,” I told the lady.

And this was accurate, of system, simply because who I am to lie to a person on the other end of the phone with out turning into a politician?

“Properly, you had been suggested to us,” she told me.

Now, this is a nice gesture as well. I am usually honored when people recommend me for some thing, even when I am suggested to give up my location in line, or to give up my seat on the bus. But in this case I needed a lot much more information?

“Who suggested me?” I asked.

It was a query so succinctly worded that it could only produce an accurate and succinct solution…

“Ummm,” she stated. “Properly, we thought you would be a good match.”

I can understand turning into a good match for a school, a job or even a sweatshirt. But what precisely does it suggest to be a good match for a credit card? The reality that I have the want to purchase issues and frequently must act on these requirements in purchase to live? I have up this entire debacle in the column not only out of absence of other topics to deal with, sans the snails, but a lot much more so simply because I believe credit card companies require to learn from the phone get in touch with I just discussed, in the subsequent three ways:

1. By no indicates tell someone he or she is a good match unless of course of program the person tries on the credit card beforehand, at which point the card is most likely so stretched out that it no lengthier operates. But then again, neither does this entire telemarketing technique regardless.

two. If you tell a person he or she was suggested by someone, make up a name of a person who served as the recommendation-giver. In events of inventive lapses, use the name “Jason A. Creditcard.” This may seem incredibly fake, but the degree of fakeness will never be surpassed by the untrue degree of sincerity concerned in this phone get in touch with.

three. Rather than telling a person that he or she has utilized for a card but apparently did not understand it, use a snappy line this kind of as “We’re attempting to give you credit, dude!” This requires absent from the professionalism of the phone get in touch with, but on the flip facet, everybody likes to be recognized as “dude.” And some of us even like credit.

Subsequent these tips will most likely destroy the goal of advertising ploys, but then again, I guess that could be the point…

But I digress.

Greg Gagliardi is a instructor and author. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, “Progressive Revelations,” has been ongoing simply because 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)