A few years back again, I went to London, England. I needed to get a passport-like photo taken, but the machine I needed to use was out of order. When I known as the company who owned the machine, I asked where they had another location. I was informed, &quotWalrus.&quot &quotWalrus?&quot I confirmed. &quotWalrus,&quot was the response. I should have asked for the spelling, but the individual had stated, &quotWalrus.&quot I asked around, and no one realized where there was a &quotWalrus&quot until, that is, somebody recognized that &quotWalrus&quot was &quotWoolworth’s.&quot Apparently, the individual I spoke with and I each believed we had been saying the exact same factor ? but boy, had been we not!

Similarly, while I was there, I discovered that elevators are known as &quotlifts,&quot escalators are known as &quotelevators,&quot what we would call subways are underground walkways for them, and what we would call subways in the US, are known as &quottubes&quot in the United kingdom.

We communicate the exact same language, don’t we? And yet, as you have most likely recognized, there is a fantastic potential for misunderstanding.

In this case, it is really easy to see how there would be an error. However if one did not know these variations, and did not know that there WAS a distinction, can you imagine the frustration?

Asking around for &quotWalrus&quot was really irritating!

In a case like the over, it would most likely be fairly easy to forgive a misunderstanding ? and even define the variations. Following all, most would recognize that it’s a various tradition, and the variations are to be anticipated.

However, most people who live in a comparable place would not be as likely to anticipate these kinds of misunderstandings from words. As a outcome, they would have expectations from a conversation, not recognizing that they might define issues, or hear some thing, in a different way than how the individual who spoke it meant it.

What happens in those times when somebody tells another &quotWoolworth’s”, and the other hears &quotWalrus,&quot and neither understands what the other thinks they have stated? Quite possibly there could be conflict, argument, upset. And neither would know how to fix it. Following all, weren’t they each saying the exact same factor?

Hmmm. Does this sound like anything you have experienced?

My example is really humorous in retrospect. But oftentimes when this happens it is not ? particularly not in the context of near or intimate relationships. We want, and anticipate, those closest to us to the individual we need, do the issues we want, and say all the right issues. In some cases, this individual might think they are, but how you hear, see, or encounter it, has you really feel otherwise.

The next time you have a disagreement, think about this: Words had been just the beginning of your conversation.

- Ask the other individual to inform you what they think was stated ? the words, and the meaning behind the words. Pay attention cautiously for variations in &quotaccent&quot and meaning.

- Ask for spellings. Is that &quotW-A-L-R-U-S?&quot In other words, &quotTHIS is what I have heard, am I hearing your correctly?”

- Ask for pictures, &quotCan you display me a image of the elevator, or describe it to me?&quot In other words, &quotHow does (THE Factor YOU ARE Talking ABOUT) appear, really feel, sound to you?&quot How do you know what it &quotlooks&quot like? How will you know it when you are it, encounter it, or see it?

- Take no meaning, or phrase, for granted. If anything, think about that all that you &quotknow&quot indicates some thing other than what you think.

It’s important to remember that we don’t all hear issues the exact same way, and we don’t have the exact same experiences. Words are only the starting place for our communications. How somebody experiences what we say will have higher impact on our conversation – and its usefulness – than what we meant, or what we stated.

©2005 Essa Alraune.

Essa has a varied, non-judgmental, and enjoyable approach to the work she does as a StressBusterBuddy. She functions primarily with people on a one-on-one basis, and is the Author and Publisher of a mindful meditation CD. To learn more about Essa, her CD, or to pay attention to her online recordings, visit http://www.StopKickingYourself.com or call 212.560.7582 (where you can also hear a three-minute Alleviate Tension Recording ? only nearby, toll, or lengthy distance charges apply).